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Human NatureWe're born
A door opens wide
A door closes shut
We don't make the cut
We let go
We take care
All in all
We're children of the earth
We rise and we fall
Beginning at birth
ExperienceIt's follow the leader
With a knife against my back
Down the stairs
My vision fades to black
My heart is on a rampage
Emotions running wild
The stories taking over
I fade back to being a child
Fear engulfs my being
Will I live or will I die?
Taking something I never had
I'll just have to lie
Fear evanesces to numbness
Falling back to my old safe place
I am no longer present
Without even leaving a trace
When it is finally over
I gather myself in a daze
I was spared my life
But my mind is in a craze
The aftermath is almost deadly
I can't stand my own skin
I want the nightmares to be over
But I have to end before I can begin
13 years later
I still see him everywhere I go
But at least I've learned how to live again
I've used this trauma to grow
The moral of the story
Is that every experience makes you who you are
It's never easy to deal with
But it's worth it when you've come so far
The warThe past is written on my arms
My legs, stomach, and chest the same
Each with an intricate story
Some even attached with a name
The pain released through a knife
A natural sort of high
The sweet agony of liberation
Between friend and foe, a tie
Once I had it in my grips
I wanted more and more
It became an addiction
And eventually a war
I fought it tooth and nail
I tried to refrain
But nothing made me feel like it did
Needed it to stop the pain
I felt guilty and ashamed
So I kept it concealed
But there came a point
That it became revealed
People gave me ultimatums
Others couldn't understand
So they left me hanging in the balance
When I most needed a hand
Thirteen years went by
My wounds became more and more severe
In the end it no longer helped
I had to decide to face my biggest fear
I had been perpetually running from the battles
But I finally realized that I had to face the war
I stared the pain, the past, and myself in the eyes
And I desperately struggled to get off the floor
Gentle WarriorI am a gentle warrior
I laugh in the face of pain
I fight the good fight
I have learned to dance in the rain
I ran for so long
I didn't want to face the past
It was only when I stopped running
That I learned I could outlast
When I reminisce
I no longer feel controlled
By the demons I once held dear
I no longer want to fold
When I look to the future
I finally have hope
That I am meant to do great things
That I am meant to cope
Everyday is a new beginning
I now vow to live life to the fullest extent
Continuing to allow myself to heal
To find peace in being content
I took the high road
Definitely not the easy way out
To live and love profoundly
That's what it's all about
CollideStanding side by side
The two worlds collide
What I see, hear, and feel
Is it fake or is it real
If its fake
Dear God let me wake
If its real
Please let me appeal
I feel my heart beating
But my brain is fleeting
My body feels out of place
Nothing is in the right space
My face looks distorted
My eyes all contorted
But who am I to know
The way it's supposed to go
So many people standing around
It's such a deafening sound
Along with the people in my head
I go whichever way I am led
Dizzy spells ensue
Clear moments are few
I can't talk correctly
Without being told directly
I am not who you think
I am not who I think
I am not who anyone think
I am the product of the writers ink
Behind the blackness of my eyesBehind the blackness of my eyes
Is where the pain and sadness lies
It's been a year since you died
Yet only a minute since I've cried
You were there for me through thick and thin
You helped me find the true me within
You believed in me even when others gave in
You gave me a safe place to begin
I'm trying to forgive myself for all I did wrong
I'm trying my hardest to stay strong
Somedays I feel like nothing is right
But you still give me strength to fight
Our relationship wasn't perfect
But it doesn't matter once I reflect
I try to remember all the good things
Those are what tugs at my heart strings
You were the best mom I could've ever had
You always knew what to do when I went mad
You were right there by my side
You always knew the right words to guide
On the one year anniversary of you death
I must stop and take a long, deep breath
And remember you are still right here next to me
Whispering you love me and to be the best I can be
RecoveryVeering off on a new track
Moving forward no matter what may occur
It's never looking back
Nailing the door to the past secure
Making way through new territory
Taking each road block as they come
Changing what happens in your story
Creating a new beat of your drum
Having courage to face each new day
Having strength to stay on course
Having faith to light your way
Have happiness as a driving force
To be aware
To face fear
To live and love to the deepest extent
To never let your flame burn out
To be who you are meant
That's what it's all about
Rising upRising up from the shadows
Is this real?
Don't tease me with uncertainty
What's the deal?
Feel the life from above
The spirits heard my plea
Keep rising me higher
Help me become free
Thank God for some relief
I was beginning to fret
I was so far down
But I knew they wouldn't forget
ViceMy chest is tightening
I’m struggling to breathe
The stress is overwhelming
I need a reprieve
I’m drowning in my own blood
Like a snake coiling around my throat
I’m starting to fade into darkness
I’m afraid I can’t stay afloat
It’s all in your head
You’re in control
Take a deep breath
Climb out of that hole
Easier said than done
They don’t know what it’s like
Breathe in, breathe out
I think my lungs are on strike
In the end I must find a calm
It’s the only way out
Let go of my vice grip
Let go of my doubt
Gender asideI want to find the girl that will be by my side through it all.
I want a boy who will stick it out with me in the hardest times.
I want a girl who will hold me close.
I want a boy who will hug me tightly.
I want a girl that I can call "beautiful" because to me she's just that.
I want a boy that I can call "handsome" because he is to me.
I want a girl who is unique and sticks by me.
I want a boy who's different and dedicated.
But all I really want is someone to love me.
DreamsI am waiting for you every day, dreaming of the sweetest smile
And while the day slowly ticks away in thought I am with you for a while
People feel our love isn't real, since I haven't touched you yet
But love is not measured in the times we meet, but in trust instead
So what if we are miles apart, as crazy as it seems
We have met each other many times in one another's dreams
And this might someday come to pass, I know the risks of Cupid's games
It's not about tomorrow dear, because no matter what the future holds at least we have today
Soon I'll hold you in my arms we'll lie in meadows green
I promise you that we will soon if only in our dreams
My voice?I tried to smile,
laugh through the pain,
but it's been a while,
I think I'm insane.
I can't hear my own voice.
The one that says what I want.
Now I have no choice.
You never did, it taunts.
It tells me what I should say.
It tells me who I am.
It tells me everyday.
Am I the lion or the lamb?
Am I as weak as I feel,
or as strong as I pretend?
Am I cold and hard as steel,
or just waiting for it to end?
Who am I?
Do I really want to know?
I end with a sigh.
The voice is telling me to go.
Like we always do.I don't think I'm ever going to burst out of the closet like most people do.
I'll stand in the dark with the little crease of light, letting me see you.
I'll make little voices to catch your attention, but try to make it look like I'm not seeking it.
Like I always do.
And it'll take you a while but suddenly you'll notice it repeating every few minutes, seconds.
Like you always do.
And then you'll ask me if something's wrong, but I'll deny it.
Like I always do.
And after another while passes and the question's been brewing up inside you, but you're not quite sure how to ask it, you will.
And I'll answer honestly.
Like I always do.
I'll quietly step out of the closet, probably not surprising you much.
I stepped out on the wrong foot though.
And you'll cry.
Like you always do.
...so what?Do you know her?
I mean that girl. Over there.
You see, she is
the one that always comes too late.
the one that takes pride in being a nerd.
the one that will always let you copy her homework.
the one that read all the school books for fun.
the one that constantly has her head in the clouds.
the one that loves writing stories.
the one that can't leave a single paper without scribbles.
the one that always gets scolded for drawing in class.
the one that will help you, even if she dislikes you.
the one that laughs till she cries.
the one that always smiles brightly.
the one that never runs out of enthusiasm.
the one that will always stick by her friends.
the one that skips school to support a friend.
the one that loves to be random.
the one that loves to confuse her friends by being random.
the one that can never decide what to wear.
the one that is obsessed
GrassesThe grass is green
On neither side.
Both are yellowed.
I try to hide.
But they fight for me.
They scream and shout.
I search and fight,
Fight for a way out.
But the grasses surround.
I can't be free.
Let me go!
Is death the key?
Will i find escape,
In pills or a knife?
Or will they bring me back?
My efforts ending in strife.
It's worth a shot.
I'll do anything to be free.
I don't want to live like this.
I'm putting an end to me.
from your mirror.. with loveStand at me
Glare at me
Your hair at me.
your eyes like
daggers and spears.
I'm not cruel
FragilityI desperately hold on
to the notion that I'm strong.
Yet no matter how hard I try,
I'm still fragile.
I surround myself with friends,
yet I've never felt more alone.
Anyone I ever get close to,
just ends up leaving me in the end.
A broken facade,
cracked for an instant.
Only to be sealed back up
with the glue of unwanted solitude.
I Am One Of Jehovah's WitnessesI am a thirteen year old girl.
I am a poet.
I am beautiful in my own way.
I am powerful.
I am unique.
I am special.
I am not crazy.
I am not worthless.
I am not brainwashed.
I am a human being.
I make mistakes. And I admit that.
I cause trouble, sometimes a lot of trouble.
I have a disorder that affects me day to day.
I don't think I'm perfect. In fact, I know I'm not.
I tolerate the ignorance.
I tolerate the pain.
I tolerate the hatred.
I tolerate the disgusted looks.
I accept the fact that I am different.
But can't you accept the fact that we're exactly the same?
Tragedy to TriumphWith ice in her veins
And a heart as dark as a moonless night
Her soul bound by chains
Her mind wants to give up this eternal fight
She's lost and alone
In a world she doesn't belong
Suffering is all she's ever known
She's lost her will to be strong
She sees through the eyes of tragedy
And hears only what her mind wants to say
She feels nothing but apathy
Even in her dreams she's gone astray
This was me
But a year ago
I finally know
I've learned through trials and woe
That this life is for living
To embrace it and grow
Through letting go and forgiving
Everyday is a new start
I've got nothing to lose
If I listen to my heart
I can change my views
The right path isn't always smooth sailing
But it's worth it in the end
There's no possibility of failing
As long as you attend
A Bloody, Stupid Miracle The day we’d cured the human condition was the day I put a bullet through my head and didn’t die. It was also the day I realized how scared I actually was of death, and after hours of muscle ache from holding that gauze against my open skull, after the wound closed and everything went back to normal, I had myself a good old-fashioned brainstorm. How ironic.
But when summer came, everything had fallen to shit. The air scorched my skin and parched my tongue every time I took a breath. The sun glared down on a rapidly-collapsing world, full of the undying bastard children of cruelty and misfortune. What was one to do when their cells regenerated faster than they decomposed?
My feet hit the pavement, now littered with jagged bits of glass to snap at my toes, thoroughly baked by the blazing ball of bitter disdain high overhead. Today was worse than yesterday. Though I’d often wondered the purpose of it anymore, I
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